Sick Day Shenanigans

Sick Day

When you teach your child anatomically correct words, there will inevitably be a day that your child has a sinus infection. That sinus infection will clog her ears and cause her to speak at high volumes all the time, even after you lovingly suggest that she give her sore throat a break by being quiet for a minute. The need for a doctor will arise, and a prescription will be issued that requires a trip to Walgreens and Wal-Mart to pick up medicine and all the sick day things. At Wal-Mart, the child will insist upon helping you scan the things at the self-checkout station. The temperamental nature of the self-checkout machine and the “helpful” nature of the 5-year-old will compel you to maneuver your body in ways that are not natural to your normal range of motion. It will be during this deranged checkout dance that your child with clogged ears who can only speak at maximum volume will announce to you and everyone in a 12-foot radius: “You just put your nipple in my eye”. And if you can make it out of the store without nearly wetting your pants while tears of laughter stream down your face, you are a better woman than I am.

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